I can be a very heavy-handed, didactic writer. Sometimes I feel the need to tie everything up with a little bow, showing that I've learned something or that there is a morale to the story. But not all of life fits into pretty boxes; not everything teaches me lessons. Some things are just hilarious and some are just awful. I can't necessarily see a point to these things, but I see them. And that's all that counts. In reality, writing isn't about teaching, it's about learning. I think writing isn't about speaking, it's all about listening. So here is a week in my life--give for take a few days. I wrote about things that just happened. Enjoy.
Sunday 5/13:
I found a tortilla chip in my belly button this afternoon. I'd spent five consecutive hours reading an outrageously confusing novel, and while I was reading I had to keep up my energy with sustenance of course. Too much homework and too much snacking leads to crazy things.
Monday:
I woke up and found that I'd slept on a t-shirt all night. I didn't notice it when I went to bed because its pink, soft, cotton fabric is the same exact shade and texture of my sheets. Not sure what this says about my bedding and my clothing choices...probably bad things; also, it means I am way too tired when I go to bed.
I realized that my eyebrows are too completely different shapes and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Talk about first world problems.
Tuesday:
I read some Russian poetry that was so beautiful it made my voice catch in my throat. I read it out loud over and over, listening to the sad melancholy words slither through my dorm and echo off the walls.
Erin gave me a pink bucket with Rapunzel and Cinderella on it. It is the best bucket ever, definitely the highlight of Tuesday.
I oscillated all day between being determined to be single my whole life and being willing to give anything for a boy just to look at me with a tiny inkling of romantic interest. I've been single for about 5 months now. It is fantastic and it sucks. It's freeing and it's terrifying. I know this is a time of growth in my life. I'm figuring out who I am and sorting through my own emotional baggage. I'm deciding who I want to be and what I want my life to look like. I'm not strong enough to love and support a man as he goes through all these changes as I do too. I know all this, but that doesn't make me feel less alone or shitty. I find myself wondering if I'll be single my whole life. For those of you who don't know, if I don't get married, or find a significant significant other, I'm moving to India and I'm going to have a ton of cats. So ya, that's the back up plan. *Deep breath* I don't need to figure out everything right now. I'm 19. The future can worry about it's self. I'm living one day at a time. Tomorrow is a brand new day.
Wednesday:
I did 3 reps of 10 on the bench press tonight. It was like three hours ago and my arms are still slightly shaking. The great thing about all this? It was only 20 lb. Just let my incredible weakness soak in for a little....let it sink in just a little more....ya 20 lb. and my arms are still shaking. I am positive that I could challenge anyone to "who-has-a-weaker-upper-body-contest" and I would totally whoop him/her with sparkly, rainbowy, flying colors.
I was practicing piano tonight in Allee Chapel and said the s-word once, the d-word once, and poop at least twenty times. This was in a church. I just laughed at myself and my absurdity. Like it matters if I swear in or out of a church, God can still hear me. But, I'm not even convinced He cares; sometimes I feel like he'd have a worse potty mouth than me. Anyways, if you say poop over and over it starts to sound really funny. Say it 5 times and I promise you'll giggle.
Thursday:
I basked in the sun today. It feels so good to finally thaw out after my Iowa first winter. The sun does something for my skin--I tan so fast--but it does something for my soul too. It revives me, brings me to life, makes me happy again. The sun rays sparkle and glitter as they tumble down from the sky and add so much beauty to the world. So, laying in the grass, I stretched out my sore muscles(they were crying from a six mile bike ride on Wednesday)--pointing my toes, arching my back, feeling my sinews stretch out and breath again, and reaching all the way up through my finger tips. I laid with arms above my head and felt the warm, sparkly sun dance on my nose and play with my hair. Then I realized that with my hands above my head and my toes pointed I am well over six feet tall. I was as tall as most of the guys at my school! This height increase plus have sore muscles made me feel quite powerful. Then I realized that people who are actually six feet tall are well over seven feet tall when they stretch out like me and probably have way more muscle than me. But, this was just a fleeting thought. I decided I could just duck tape their arms to their sides and pretend that they don't have muscles. My empowered feeling continued. I'm crazy. Maybe it was sun fever? Whatever it was, it was wonderful.
Friday:
I visited a new state today: Minnesota! Ooooh yaaa. They have adorable accents.
Anyways, I want to visit all 50 states. I've been to about fifteen of them. It's my dream to just do a ridiculous road trip and visit like twenty states in a week and buy a cheesy t-shirt from each one--yes the second part of the plan is essential. Coming to college, moving to Iowa, changing my entire life has shown be how huge the world is and I just want to explore it all. I'm not sure where I'm going to end up after college. I used to be sure that I'd move back to Chandler, but now I'm reconsidering that. So, every time I go somewhere new, I know that I could have a life, a future there. It is so exciting!
Saturday:
I finished my first journal today. It's the first time I've ever filled a journal from the first page to the last. It feels so good. I feel like it's truly me on those pages, like my soul has suddenly extended. I feel like a real writer now.
Monday:
I inadvertently hit on a security guard at my school today. Awkward.
Tuesday:
While on a run tonight, I came within 2 inches of losing my life, literally. I was chugging along in the semi-concious state that accompanies running, I looked up at the last second and BAM there were 5 ladders sticking out of a truck that I was about close-lined myself on. Somehow, my body responded before I actually knew what was going on. I quickly swerved around them, kept running, and realized how lucky I just was. They would have hit my stomach, chest, and head. I probably would have slammed my head on the concrete and passed out; all of this happening in the dark when no one knew where I was. Man, I was lucky. A few minutes later, I ran straight into some branches from an overhanging tree. I laughed at myself and my clumsiness and dumb luck. Sometimes, I honestly frighten myself, so all I can do is laugh.
In Psalm 136 the phrase "God's faithful love lasts forever" is repeated 26 times. 26 times!! That just blows my mind. That Psalm is such beautiful poetry. I read it aloud like 3 times at 2 in the morning. It was the perfect way to end the day.
Remember, every day is a brand new day!
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